What's a Cellar Roast?

A forensic analysis of the gap between what you buy and what you actually enjoy.

Your cellar data tells a story you haven't heard yet. Most serious collectors have patterns hiding in plain sight: the producers you rate highest but rarely buy, the bottles that sit for years while you keep opening the same $35 wine, the varietals you think you prefer versus what you actually reach for.

We will write that story for you.

We're not just running your data through a generic AI. WineBrain uses calibrated detector rules tuned against real collector behavior: specific thresholds for hoarding vs aging, loyalty vs wandering, validated positions vs blind buying. The model knows what patterns matter because we tested it against thousands of bottles—not what a chatbot guesses from your file.

The Cellar Roast analyzes your buying and drinking history—not critic scores, not marketing hype—to surface insights you can't see by browsing your cellar.

What You Get

The Contradictions

We surface the gaps between what you buy and what you drink:

Real Finding from a Beta User:

"You rate Pinot Noir 8.7 on average but Cabernet Sauvignon 8.1. Yet your cellar is 60% Cab and 15% Pinot. You're hoarding the wrong varietal."

The Green List

Producers you should keep buying, backed by your own data: high ratings, positive notes, proven track record of actually drinking them.

The Red Flags

Producers to reconsider:

Dust Collectors

Bottles past their drinking window. We calculate how much money is sitting there, probably dead. Drink them now or dump them.

Your QPR Bands

We break down your spending into price tiers and show you where you get the best bang for your buck. If your "everyday" wines rate just as high as your "splurge" wines, you're overpaying for diminishing returns.

Discovery Assignment

One new producer to try that matches your demonstrated preferences—not what critics think you should like. If your data shows you love ripe, bold Napa Cab (even though the wine snobs tell you that's "too approachable"), we'll recommend more of what you actually enjoy.

What Makes It Different

We don't trust critic scores. A 98-point wine means nothing if your history shows you don't like that style.

We're palate-agnostic. If you love fruit bombs, we'll find you more fruit bombs. If you love lean, mineral-driven wines, we'll match that. Our job is to find what you enjoy, not impose taste.

We're direct. No sugarcoating. If you have 40 years of Cab supply, we'll tell you that. If you've been buying producers you've never tried, we'll call it out.

The Bottom Line (from every report):

5-7 specific actions with deadlines. "Open these 6 bottles this month. Stop buying X. Try Y instead. The hard truth: You're accumulating, not aging."

What We Need From You

Your cellar data and drinking history. If you use CellarTracker, export your data (My Cellar + Consumed Bottles). If you track in Excel or another app, send us what you have. We'll work with it.

The more data, the better the insights. But even 50 bottles consumed gives us patterns to work with.

What Happens Next

WineBrain gives you a forensically tuned profile—specific thresholds for what constitutes hoarding (not aging), which producers you're buying blind, wines past their drinking window with urgency ranked by years overdue. The difference is calibration: we know what the numbers mean because we built the detectors from real data.

Once we have that profile, we'll set up an AI agent to monitor wine deals to find wines that match your demonstrated preferences—not what critics think you should buy.

You get alerts for:

No more FOMO flash sales. No more buying blind. Just signal filtered through your actual data.

Get Your Cellar Roast